As much as I will myself, it just won't happen. Most people are unsatisfied with who they are or how they look. I guess it is just human nature to want to change for the better. The unfortunate situation is that most people have unrealistic expectations and they cannot embrace themselves the way they are.
The last 29 years I have been unhappy with myself for once reason or another. Genetically, I am a lady with curves. It's completely unavoidable. Even when I lost weight I would still be curvy. Ladies who don't have boobs always want them and ladies with boobs want them smaller. I was in the latter group. Ever since I was in middle school I was on diets. I'd lose weight, get comfortable and gain it all back. It was a rollercoaster of weight. Then there comes the emotional highs and lows that come with weight loss. I'd feel great when I lost it and devastated when I gained it back. And that is what happened. Every. time.
And as if that wasn't enough of a pain, trying to compare myself to other women was a nightmare. As a teenager, girls are put through so much stress trying to look like the women in magazines,on television, or in movies. This is especially stressful for girls who deal with body issues. We put so much effort into trying to fit the "mold" and when it doesn't happen, it can mentally harm us.
I spent the last 29 years trying to fit that mold, worrying about what other people thought of how I looked. And it is stressful. I will never be as thin as those girls in the magazine. I will never have supermodel looks or legs to die for. But I really tried. I tried everything short of bulimia to be thinner, from crash diets and fad diets to not eating. And the only reason I stopped at bulimia is that I couldn't make myself throw up if I tried (and I tried). The pressure to be thin was starting to wear me down. Until this year.
This was the year I was determined to find happiness. I started by cutting people out of my life that were a negative influence. Then I challenged myself to a bucket list of things I have never done which needed to be completed before I turned 30. Then I took a deep look at myself. Why was I always focusing on the negative? Then I challenged myself to look in the mirror and say ten things I liked about myself.
1. I am determined and a hard worker.
2. I love my freckles.
3. I love the gray hair that I have (thanks genetics!)
4. My ass looks good in jeans, even if it is Beyonce sized. ;)
5. I love my eye color.
6. Mother nature blessed me with a nice chest area. ;)
7. I've got the moves like Jagger.
8. I have a great singing voice.
9. I like my small chin. It gives me character.
10. I love my shape.
So, I could focus on the fact that I think I have fat thighs or large feet and stress about it all day long, or I can embrace the body that I was given and flaunt my Jagger-esque moves.
Life is too short to obsess about your body. You are only given one and if you only focus on the negative, then you are missing out on all of the positive. This is one thing that has opened up my eyes to finding true happiness. I don't need to worry about what other people think. If I am comfortable and happy with myself, I will exude confidence.
I will never be a supermodel with legs to die for. I will never look like those women in the magazines. But, you know what? I can handle that. The world can have their supermodels and actresses. There is only one Jenn. And I enjoy being unique with my perfectly flawed body. As long as I am comfortable with myself, it doesn't matter what others think. And when I am happy with my body, I am happy with myself. That's all that matters.
Ladies, embrace your body. You only get one. Don't waste your time trying to make it look like someone else's body. Embrace your curves, lack of curves, uniqueness, and your perfect flaws.
As a parting gift, I am leaving you with four quotes that sum up this post.
Having a low opinion of yourself is not "modesty". It's self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not "egotism". It's a necessary precondition to happiness and success. ~Bobbe Sommer.
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you will ever own. ~Mary Schmich
So long as you are still worried about what others think of you, you are owned by them. Only when you require no approval from outside yourself can you own yourself. ~Neale Donald Walsch
Monday, October 1, 2012
Where have you been all my life?
High School was a bitch. And I'm not saying that because I had a horrible time in high school. What I am talking about is the drama. The drama that really kind of messed up a few relationships.
So, perhaps I should be saying that drama is a bitch. The drama in high school was a double whammy right to the gut. I'm sure we can all relate at one point or another. Looking back at it all, ten years later, we were all idiots. Our actions were fueled by crazy hormones, making us irrational in our choices. Things that were big deals back in high school are now looked upon as stupid, irrational thinking. As I look back now, I see all of the stupid mistakes I made along the way. While I don't regret most of them, as it has made me into what I am, I do wish I had make some different choices when it came to friends.
I've had the privilege of reconnecting with two people from high school. Two people I probably should have stayed friends with the whole time but due to drama, those relationships fell apart.
In high school, boyfriend drama caused a lot of problems. This is where it all starts, folks. Boys. They are trouble. Mix hormonal girls into it and it is a recipe for chaos. A truly strong friendship can fall apart when a good friend dates another friend's ex-boyfriend, because in high school land, that makes a girl go cray cray. And that girl was me. I'll admit it. I was really stupid in high school and when my one good friend started dating my ex-boyfriend, things started to go south. First off, while I may have broken up with the guy, I literally had a crush on him for four freaking years before we dated. Why...? I don't know. So, even though I broke up with him, it was harder to break my mind of that "crush" mindset. So, I started keeping my distance from her. To me, it was a betrayal. Hindsight is 20/20, so looking back I just shake my head in disgust. Stupid hormones causing issues.
So, time goes by and finally we reconnect. There have been many discussions about our "falling out" of sorts. Luckily, we have been able to pick up our friendship like we left it, but without all of the boy drama. I think we are better friends now. Maturity is a great thing. 10 years will make a big difference.
This brings me to friendship #2. We will call him the boy next door because technically he kind of was. Starting in 8th grade, the boy next door and I rode the same school bus together. Living out in the country, the school bus ride wasn't short by any means. It gave us a lot of time to get to know each other. He was one of those guys that I probably should have dated, but instead, I dated two of his good friends. Yeah, like I said, I am an idiot. Of course, he wasn't on my radar for that sort of relationship until much later in high school. Ladies, don't ever spend 4 years crushing on just one boy. It makes you blind to other options. Trust me. Anyways, once we stopped riding the bus together and I dated two of his friends, the friendship kind of dissolved. Before that, we had a lot of fun times and probably one of the more true friendships I had in high school as it was formed outside of the high school drama.
About 6 months ago, on a whim of sorts, we started hanging out. Other friend, myself, and him ran a 10K. (Ok, they RAN it. I was hungover so I ran/walked it.)It was kind of like starting our friendship over again. After a few more outings, I start to mentally kick myself for losing this friendship in the first place.
The lesson of this story...? Don't get dragged down by drama. It will ruin perfectly good relationships. I was lucky enough to be able to recover the few important ones I lost.
The second lesson of the story... the stuff you see as a big deal in high school really isn't. If you are in high school now, trust me. You will look back and wonder what in the world you were thinking. But, it happens to everyone, so don't feel too bad.
The third lesson... never be obsessed with one boy for 4 years. It won't turn out well. And you will be regretting all the stuff you missed out on.
So, perhaps I should be saying that drama is a bitch. The drama in high school was a double whammy right to the gut. I'm sure we can all relate at one point or another. Looking back at it all, ten years later, we were all idiots. Our actions were fueled by crazy hormones, making us irrational in our choices. Things that were big deals back in high school are now looked upon as stupid, irrational thinking. As I look back now, I see all of the stupid mistakes I made along the way. While I don't regret most of them, as it has made me into what I am, I do wish I had make some different choices when it came to friends.
I've had the privilege of reconnecting with two people from high school. Two people I probably should have stayed friends with the whole time but due to drama, those relationships fell apart.
In high school, boyfriend drama caused a lot of problems. This is where it all starts, folks. Boys. They are trouble. Mix hormonal girls into it and it is a recipe for chaos. A truly strong friendship can fall apart when a good friend dates another friend's ex-boyfriend, because in high school land, that makes a girl go cray cray. And that girl was me. I'll admit it. I was really stupid in high school and when my one good friend started dating my ex-boyfriend, things started to go south. First off, while I may have broken up with the guy, I literally had a crush on him for four freaking years before we dated. Why...? I don't know. So, even though I broke up with him, it was harder to break my mind of that "crush" mindset. So, I started keeping my distance from her. To me, it was a betrayal. Hindsight is 20/20, so looking back I just shake my head in disgust. Stupid hormones causing issues.
So, time goes by and finally we reconnect. There have been many discussions about our "falling out" of sorts. Luckily, we have been able to pick up our friendship like we left it, but without all of the boy drama. I think we are better friends now. Maturity is a great thing. 10 years will make a big difference.
This brings me to friendship #2. We will call him the boy next door because technically he kind of was. Starting in 8th grade, the boy next door and I rode the same school bus together. Living out in the country, the school bus ride wasn't short by any means. It gave us a lot of time to get to know each other. He was one of those guys that I probably should have dated, but instead, I dated two of his good friends. Yeah, like I said, I am an idiot. Of course, he wasn't on my radar for that sort of relationship until much later in high school. Ladies, don't ever spend 4 years crushing on just one boy. It makes you blind to other options. Trust me. Anyways, once we stopped riding the bus together and I dated two of his friends, the friendship kind of dissolved. Before that, we had a lot of fun times and probably one of the more true friendships I had in high school as it was formed outside of the high school drama.
About 6 months ago, on a whim of sorts, we started hanging out. Other friend, myself, and him ran a 10K. (Ok, they RAN it. I was hungover so I ran/walked it.)It was kind of like starting our friendship over again. After a few more outings, I start to mentally kick myself for losing this friendship in the first place.
The lesson of this story...? Don't get dragged down by drama. It will ruin perfectly good relationships. I was lucky enough to be able to recover the few important ones I lost.
The second lesson of the story... the stuff you see as a big deal in high school really isn't. If you are in high school now, trust me. You will look back and wonder what in the world you were thinking. But, it happens to everyone, so don't feel too bad.
The third lesson... never be obsessed with one boy for 4 years. It won't turn out well. And you will be regretting all the stuff you missed out on.
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