Honesty is the best policy.

I have hit my midlife crisis early. There's no denying it. And before you say, "...but Jennifer, you're only 29 years old. You can't be having a mid-life crisis". Well, yes I can. For math's sake, we will call it a 1/3 life crisis.

I am a long term relationship kind of girl. I was in a relationship my senior year of high school until I was 24, and then I was in another relationship from 24ish to now. Why is this important? Because, there's is a single Jennifer who is a little bit pissed off.

There is a single Jennifer? Yes. Inside every person is another person that they wish they had been or gotten to experience. My person is single and ready to mingle. (Did I just write that? ugh...) This single Jennifer hasn't made her move until about 6 weeks ago and she really messed with my head.

Single Jennifer tends to come out when I drink, especially when I drink A LOT, which rarely happens. And let me put this out there, this Jennifer does not fool around with anyone else. She just enjoys having a good time with her friends and letting loose, something that 29 year old Jenn doesn't do very often.

The internal struggle started innocently enough, when I started hanging out with good friends from high school. Young, single Jenn found this exciting. Then, it started to get worse. I began regretting things I hadn't done.

I had always played it safe my whole life. Throughout school and my professional life, I never broke the rules. I never cheated on a significant other and I never did anything that seemed risky. In all, I've only been in two serious relationships. When I decided to try new things this year that seemed exciting, single Jenn enjoyed the excitement and it only made her stronger.

Then I started objectifying everything that I missed out on with certain people. All of the missed relationship opportunities, all of the fun times I could have had, all of the bad life choices I could have done and learned from got associated with people. So, when I would hang out with these people, my mind would go on a crazy emotional roller coaster, with single Jenn trying to take over and my current self trying to tell her to shut up. I wanted to be happy in my current life but at this point, the other Jennifer had a pretty strong hold on my emotions. She wanted to live it up and she didn't want to let go anytime soon.

Then, last weekend, my two sides came to a head. After a fun night out with the girls, single Jennifer felt compelled to do something that she really shouldn't have. Old, unrequited feelings showed up and single Jennifer WANTED to act on them, in a bad way. I wanted to break the rules and get crazy. But, luckily, even after 6 (or 7) drinks, 29 year old Jennifer was still able to keep her in check, barely (and let's just say I have some really good friends). A full mental breakdown kind of ensued. The power play in my head really broke me down in a way I had never experienced before. I spent the weekend running "what ifs..?" in my head.

Then someone mentally bitch slapped me back into reality. And in all honesty, it took a few days to sink in. After talking to some of my friends about this internal struggle and Josh, I finally understood it.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Single Jenn needed to go or part of her needed to be integrated into my 29 year old self. There are things I didn't get to do, people I didn't get to date, parties I will never attend, but my life here isn't too shabby. I always thought that the grass was greener on the other side, with all of my friends being single. I wanted to party, flirt with boys, get hit on, and play the field because inn my group of friends, I am the only one that is married. But, after talking it over, I have it pretty good. And even intoxicated, I don't think I could ever ruin my wonderful friendships and my marriage to pursue other options.

I bet you are all wondering why I am sharing this story. It is embarrassing and doesn't make me out to be the best person. But by now, you should know that all of my blogs have a purpose, and this one is exceptionally poignant. I am being honest with you because keeping it in was making me lose my grip.

This can happen to the best of us. We all feel this way at some point or another. We all will regret things we haven't done or people we never dated or met. If you let that "other person" take control, it can send you spiraling down. It is best to be honest with ourselves and the people around us so that they can help us back on our path. And by being honest, we can truly see that the grass is greener on our side and we don't need what we never had.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Wiser words were never said.

Let's talk about friends baby, let's talk about you and me.

Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.
(because inserting the Friends theme song just didn't fit my style.)

Soooo... after kind of emptying all of the craziness running around in my head yesterday, someone snapped me back into reality (Thank you Jenna).

It is amazing how friends help you, especially in your biggest time of need. And my friend had a point, I am not broken. The phrase should have been, I WAS broken, and I have a lot of people to thank for helping me pick up all of the pieces this year.

The last year in my 20s has been a very interesting one, and probably the best year! I have made so many new friends this year and found some from a long time ago that I really missed. I've been introduced to so many new things and done so many new things that I never thought I would ever do. Who do I have to thank for that? My amazing friends.

You know the phrase... Love is a many splendid thing
Love lifts us up where we belong
All you need is love

Well, replace love with the word "friends" and it is still as true (the grammar may just be a little off, just go with it).

My friends are awesome and while there are so many to thank, I'll leave it a little generic so that no one feels left out... because I love you all.

Thank you for...
Introducing me to some delicious baked goods.
Teaching me about cars and fashion.
Getting me excited about running a 10K (even if I was too hungover to run).
Coming over for game night and yelling obscenities during Taboo.
Going with me to a place I had on my 30 year bucket list ;)
Drinking all my leftover beer when I absolutely hated it.
Teaching me beer pong.
Motivating me when I thought I had nothing left to give.
Listening to me rant when that's all I needed to do.
Dressing up for the many ridiculous theme parties I hosted.
Getting amazingly smashed and having a lot of fun.
and...
Thank you to everyone that stood beside me this year. I had cancer removed, another cancer scare on my skin, and a mental health diagnosis. This year I have been all over the map with my ups and downs and you were there to help me through it.

Thank you. I could not have done it without you. =)

It's about hard work.

I have never been one to take the easy way out of things. While I would like to, it just doesn't seem fair to bend the rules to make my life easier. Throughout my life, I have struggled with my weight, mostly due to depression. I've gone up and down on the scale but I've never quite been able to control it, until now.

But, I'm not talking about my weight loss struggle. I'm talking about applying yourself and following through. I recently saw on my Facebook feed that someone was going in and getting a consultation for a medical weight loss procedure. Totally fine, right? I am all about people bettering themselves. If you feel that it is what you need, then go right ahead. What pushed me over the edge was what I saw next. This person then went to a fast food place for breakfast and checked in on Facebook. Seriously?!?

First things first, a medical procedure should be a LAST RESORT when it comes to weight loss. For instance, my former mother-in-law has tried everything under the sun when it came to weight loss. She was like me, up and down on the scale, and finally, later on in her years (I won't reveal her age), she got a lap band. And she is successful because she knows how to do it right. She knows about nutrition and she has lost a tremendous amount of weight and kept it off. And she deserves this. She is an amazing woman and looks hot! (You go gurl!)

If a person isn't putting forth the effort in the first place to lose weight, then they will not be able to keep it off even after a medical procedure. It is about HABITS! Sure, a lap band will make you eat less, but if all you eat is junk, then you aren't going to lose weight. It's about the right type of calories! 300 calories of vegetables and protein are used much differently than 300 calories of a cheeseburger.

And yes, I know I have no room to talk but I work hard to lose my weight. I know what I need to do and I do it (or sometimes I don't). But, a person must apply themselves to lose weight and not take the easy way out. A medical procedure will not change habits. While it might change someone's weight temporarily, if a person isn't willing to change their lifestyle, then they will fall into the same trap.

If taking the easy way out was actually the best choice, I'm sure everyone would do it. The truth is, it may seem great in the beginning but it always comes back to bite you in the butt. I probably don't know the whole story about this person but if I can do it (like I am doing now), anyone can do it.

*end rant*